And Now a Word With Our Sponsor

I’m again under the weather but I did promise Riley (my fierce and loyal reader) a new blog today, so here it goes. Another ‘survey’ thingy, this one from a friend. It’s kinda naughty of me but enjoy nonetheless.

This or That?
Righty or Lefty: Both, although I use mostly my right hand. Oh, you mean writing? Lefty.
Short or Tall: Do you do this just to hurt me?
Black or White: Transparent.
Glasses or Contacts: Both. I can’t wait until I can wear my contacts again.
Drink or Smoke: Neither really.
Reading or Writing: I do both. Very well I might add, unless it involves big words.

5 Things?
Last 5 Movies You Saw: Deceived, The Last King of Scotland, The Wedding Singer, Fletch, and The Nugget
Last 5 Songs You’ve Downloaded: The entire CD by Pez which includes 15 songs.
Last 5 Songs You Listened to: (okay don’t laugh) Blue Sky Mine by Midnight Oil, The Scientist by Coldplay, Teenage Dirtbag by Wheatus, Stormy Weather by Billie Holiday, and Dude by Beenie Man
5 Songs that describe you: Eye of the Hurricane by David Wilcox, Why Does it Always Rain on Me by Travis, Miss Indepenent by Ne-Yo, Trouble Breathing by Alkaline Trio, and Forever by Vertical Horizon (for Mike).
5 Things You Can’t Live Without: Water, Air, Music, Laughter, and More Water?
5 Things You’d Eliminate if you could: Death, Nasty Uno People, this damn cold weather, my festering cold, and that idiot I work with.

Do You Like?
Drugs: Vicodin rocks?
Drinking: You’ve got a preoccupation with this.
Sex: Why, girls can’t be into it?
Kissing: Shouldn’t you have asked that before asking about sex?
Me: I’m reconsidering our friendship.
Yourself: I’m pretty happy with the person I am, flaws and all.

About yourself:
Hair: Brownish/Auburn.
Eyes: Blue or grey – depends on what I wear.
Nose: Yes, I have one. It’s kinda small.
Feet: Small, what a pain in the butt.
Height: Yeah, now I really hate you.
Voice: I was told the other night that it was sexy so I’m going with that.

The Nicest Compliment or Small Snippets of Life

If you know me from my tv.com blog you might remember my very good friend Joe. My co-worker and friend who very nearly saved my life a few years ago. Today I was telling him about some of the weird people I've met on Xbox Live. The two of us have played a few things together on Live but he doesn't do Uno. As I was talking he suddenly looked up at me and said, 'Darrie, you're glowing.' Of course our other friend Dagmar overheard us and chimed in, 'yes, you look beautiful.' *so now I'm blushing* Joe's reply was, 'No, she always looks beautiful... today she's glowing. I've never seen you this happy.' Joe's seen me at my absolute worst physically, and he still calls me beautiful, but to hear him say something so purely kind is extremely touching.

I went back to my desk and thought about what happened yesterday to cause me to glow. Partly my friend Riley is responsible. Riley is probably the most wonderful young man I know, second to my son. No offense Sweetie. He's been having a bit of a spot lately and we were talking about it yesterday. When I say I wanna take this kid, bring him out to Long Beach and introduce him to any number of wonderful girls, I'm not kidding. He's just fantastic. So we were speaking about people and how they tend to judge a book by its cover, how sometimes you've gotta let something go even if it hurts you if it will make someone else you care about happy, and how sometimes you've just gotta put yourself out there.

I know... this is me giving him advice. It was just a few days ago that I was ready to retreat. Yet just how I said it before, I will say it again - all it takes is someone to remind you of the person you truly are and you can get through most anything. I was hoping to do that with Riley. I can only cross my fingers that I helped him even in some small way.

Talking to Riley made me realize that I'm not a person who holds back when I really want something. It's been a while since I've really wanted anything, but I have physical proof that life is too short not to go after what it is you want. Things I can't even begin to get into with you all, as much as I love you, have influenced me over the years. So I took a step last night. For me, a pretty big one. And heck I feel pretty good about it. Mind you, I was feeling a bit daring in my Vicodin induced haze. Yet I know I wouldn't have done anything differently without the 'help.' Sometimes you've just gotta put yourself out there, take a chance, and face rejection. But like I always say, I'll take friends only any day over losing one because of awkwardness.

Some time after my conversation with Joe I got an email that had this message... I think it's truly fitting to everything that has been happening lately. Here it is...

God doesn't give you the people you want, He gives you the people you NEED-
To help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you and to make you into the person you were meant to be.

I'm not a religious woman, but those words have hit home, especially now.

As always, I love you all. Treat people the way you want to be treated... until they screw with you, then kick them in the teeth and call your lawyer. :P Maybe tomorrow I'll give you another survey, Riley seemed to get a kick out of that last one.

Randomness Extraordinaire

Or maybe not. Who the hell knows. I just liked the title. But it's a lot of pressure, I mean, extraordinaire... what I've got to say better be good. Maybe nothing I say is good and I'm setting myself up to let you all down.

Oh hell, that couldn't happen. Y'all love me too much. Hoeech I'm still waiting for the verdict on how I feel. :) And if my Frakking Frakker doesn't stop by soon I'm gonna cry. No, he's working - I can deal. Besides, DJ is comin' 'round enough to pick up the slack. :P

What is wrong with me, I'm sitting in my cold office with a short sleeve shirt on and it's obvious I'm cold. Hey, get your mind out of the gutter! I'm shivering, not the other thing. You know that doesn't work on me any more.

I'm on my lunch break but I'm sitting at my desk doing this because I don't really wanna go outside to my cold car. I had to put my iPod on because the ladies are listening to Celine Dion. Now I know that Celine has a beautiful voice. I would never question that. I actually do like a few of her songs... very few. But why the hell not pump tryptophan into the air? So I'm listening to a few of my latest downloads: Pez, Kings of Leon, Flo Rider, and Audioslave. Not to mention some of my old favorites: Alkaline Trio, Zebrahead, Travis, and Patra.

Have I mentioned that I'm about to kick the teeth in of the woman in my office? Today she has just pushed me over the edge. I have a short fuse at times and she's lit it with a vengence. I went onto XBox.com to talk to Russell and let him know that he's gonna have to bring his girlfriend (Amy) and our mutual friend Crzy to visit me in jail. Haha. Seriously, I have a few choice names for this woman at the moment but I'm trying not to use that type of language right now because I know I'll never stop once I get on a roll.

This lyric is stuck in my head... and I like it... "Finally someone let me out of my cage." I know what you're saying sweetheart. Let's play...

I can't leave you without a bit of tasty goodness...

Don't Go Naked.... On Uno

I've been playing a great deal of Uno on Xbox Live lately. It's so addictive and very relaxing. In the meantime, there's a 'dark' side to Uno. Use the Force Luke! It's not so much a bad thing as an annoying-as-hell-thing. Some people enjoy going naked on their camera while playing Uno. They also enjoy sending requests for naked photos and various other things. The following will be a collection of stories about 'Naked Uno'....

While playing with my friend Russell today VerdantSmasher entered the room completely naked while laying spread eagle on a Lay-Z Boy. He left shortly after entering because I don't have my camera set to see everyone.

Later, when Russell and I were playing with another friend Nareaus, we were having a conversation about streaking when a guy came into the room and heard us. He took the conversation as a 'threat' and thought he'd show his butt before Nareaus did and so he whipped down his pants in front of the camera. Needless to say, it didn't go over well with Nareaus who called Xbox and reported him.

More to come...

Don't Forget the Soup

Why the title? Well my co-worker, Ilsa from Germany, made me her famous pea soup for dinner. So it's sitting in my office 'fridge waiting for me to take it home and enjoy it. She makes fantastic soups and always saves a bit for me. I know you're jealous now. :LOL:

In honor of my last blog... here's a picture of my fantasy home. Enjoy.

Meanwhile back at the Ranch....

You know, most of my blogs here have been about books. I love to read so it's only natural that I'd talk about something I love so much. I'm a great one for being in a bookstore and suggesting to people what would be a nice read. I'm at Borders so often that it seems like I work there. I'll tell you a secret, I've always wanted to work in a bookstore or a library. Maybe I'll own one, one day. A bookstore that is, not a library. My love of books is why I stole SweetPea's bookshelf thingy and added one to my blog. Thanks SweetPea. :)

But today's blog isn't about books. It's not even about sexy guys.... Eric Bana, Hugh Jackman, Marton Csokas, Gerard Butler.... it's about... me. Or at least it's a quiz that I was sent and answered. It's a bit stupid but I did it anyway, enjoy the answers.

Name: Darrie
Age: 36
Place of Birth: Amityville, New York
Where you live: Long Beach, New York
Sex: Female
Sex?: Maybe later, thanks for asking.
Job: Overlord of the Billing Department - BLVD Magazine & Anton Newspapers
Status: Divorced - Looking?
Favorite Actor: Sean Bean, Gerard Butler, Christian Bale, Ewan McGregor, Eric Bana (/etc)
Favorite Movie: Apollo 13
If You Could Live Anywhere?: Ireland, In a Lighthouse - Mars?
Favorite Food: Chicken - I'm so boring but I've got 100 different ways to make it
Drink of Choice: Water... Sex on the Beach (seldomly)
Opposite Sex of Choice?: Huh? There's only men, right? Since I'm female I'll say men.
Are you gay?: Yes, I'm very happy thank you but I still like men.
Last Book You Read: (re-read) Beyond the Highland Mist by Karen Marie Moning
Ideal Partner: Foreign with a beautiful voice, funny, kind, ready to deal with a little crazy
How Much Money is In Your Wallet: None, I need to go to the bank.
Is this annoying: I'm mildly annoyed
Tell me One thing About Yourself: I love to giggle.

Back to My Old Self

After a roller coaster of a few days. I'm feeling back to my old self. Well, maybe my old self plus some. :) I needed some time to brood and vent a bit (maybe a bunch), but if there's one thing I've learned is that I've gotta meet things head on. I just needed someone to remind me of that. Which I did. So, whoo hoo! Go me!

And what a better way to celebrate my good mood than with a few pretty pictures.

Ewan:

Kevin:Karl:

Oh, that's lovely. Don't 'cha think? Okay, time for some writing. I'll say one thing for recent event, I've had enough vivid thoughts to make for some interesting writing. :)

*big stupid grin*

I Said I'd Never Let It Happen Again

And yet it has. And I feel foolish beyond belief and yet I can't be angry.

Years ago I met a guy online. He was a nice enough guy, we had a few things in common and we soon became friends. We were talking on the phone all the time and he even became friendly with my mother and sister. Then, I don't know what happened suddenly he became another person entirely. That is, after several missed attemps at meeting up. My family had invited him to spend Thanksgiving with us at one point, that's how close we were. But now he was totally different and I eventually broke off the friendship. I found out later that all the time he was "courting" me, he was attempting to get back together with his ex-girlfriend. I was hurt but I was glad that I never really got into anything physical. And yet, I'm big enough to say that was happy for him for going after something he wanted.

That experience had me very scared to make friends with anyone over the internet ever again. Then I started using the message boards at tv.com. And it's nearly impossible to become friendly with a lot of the people you meet there. First it was gabfan, then layle, frakker, hoeech, zeo, and so many others. Yet it wasn't the same as with that guy before. It was actually better. These people were like my family. I'm extremely friendly so I tend to put people at ease when they are around me.

Then I met someone. Only one problem.... I just learned that he's not alone. I had made it clear to him that we could only be friends, but he hid this detail about himself from me and I'm hurt. I feel foolish for not seeing it, and I'm mad at myself for opening up to someone yet again. But I just can't be angry. I mean, we were only friends and there were other things that would have kept us from ever being more. But because of his kindness I thought I could be ready to open myself up with a guy (or would meet in the future). I don't really have anyone in mind, I'm talking the hypothetical someone.

What does hurt me is that when I realized he wasn't alone I let him know I knew. In my opinion the cat was out of the bag even if he didn't know I knew. I told him I was happy for him, and requested that he didn't just blow me off after this. I mean, it wasn't really my blunder, right? I know in my heart of hearts that's what will happen. Which makes me sad. Is it worth crying over? Probably not. Am I? Yep. I don't like to be dumped by a friend, especially if I don't deserve it. And I don't. Do I?I value all my friendships. If I call you my friend, make you my friend, then you become someone I honestly care about. I just don't play at these thing. It might sound silly but I can't help but feel something for the people I know.

Yesterday in my tv.com blog I said that I think I'm ready to move on to a new possible future. One where I don't force myself to be alone because I'm afraid of being hurt again. I know, getting hurt is a part of life, but if you heard all of my story you'd understand why I'm so skittish. I know myself, I'll retreat into myself again. I see it happening. I don't like it. It's a defense system I have from my marriage. And as much as I don't like being alone, I don't like being open for hurt. The truly sad part is that if I just want a guy who wants me for what I have or can give them, heck... I could have a dozen tomorrow. But why take something that isn't worthy of the person I am. Which is truly fantastic if I must say so myself.

I just can't find myself being angry at this man because we were/are only friends. So he's got a woman in his life, okay. I'm his friend so I'm happy for him. But I am angry at myself. For allowing myself to feel again, now I don't know what to do with myself. Sure I'll get over the feeling bad sht, but just one word of honesty could have avoided all this and the guy couldn't do it. I'll put the blame on myself for now, although it doesn't belong there, and once I sit and think straight again, I'll pity him for loosing a friend like me. I'd do just about anything for my friend, every last one of them.

Too Much Information

I tend to keep things very 'tight to the vest' when it comes to life. I don't always feel free to talk about my life. I guess it's just a personal thing. When I joined tv.com I didn't know anyone, so keeping a blog was easy. There was nobody reading it so I just put in random stuff and nobody was the wiser. Then suddenly I started making friends and they started to read my blog. After a while I started to feel good enough about the place to talk about my son and my life in general. I know I haven't told everything, but some of the most important things I've talk about. If the mistakes or triumphs I'd had in my life can help someone else out then I'll share.

Yet there's this other side of me that tends to just talk to much. I'll write an email or have a conversation and later I'll think, 'what the hell is wrong with you?' Am I scaring potential friends off by giving too much information about myself? Am I ruining my friendships because I wanna get some stuff out in the open a.s.a.p. so that I can move on from it. Is telling someone I'm divorced and have a teenaged son just days after meeting them coming off like a cry for help?

There's a part of me that feels like it's alright to because I'd like to know similar things about those who I become friends with. I truly care about the lives of all my friends; internet, gaming, real life, and everything in between. But there's also a part of me that feels that if I get it over with right away and they feel they no longer wish to be friends with me because of things that I've told them it will save me heartache in the future.

It's hard to know what's right for someone else, but I know what's right for me.

I'm just glad that I have some of my tv.com friends here with me now, so I'm no longer talking to the wind. SweetPea and Sparkle: Who I am glad to be getting to know better. You're both very special ladies. Hoeech and Frakker: Two of the nicest men of the planet. I honestly love you both with all my heart - in a non-stalkerish way. :)

Untitled - By Me

I'm not really sure where this poem came from. I just started writing and this is what came out. I'm not certain that it's any good, but it seems to make a bit of sense. I thought it would be a good idea to share it and get some opinions. I also posted it on my other blog as well.

Sorry, I'm doing a re-write so I took it down for the moment.

Sexy Men of Film - Part 2

It's been a while since I posted my last sexy man - Gerard Butler. It's only fitting that the second man on my list is from Scotland as well.

David Tennant - Doctor Who, Casanova, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.

If if Ain't Broke, We'll Do Something About That

I love TVdotCOM, but recently they've made so many changes it's not the same site any longer. So many of my friends have left the site, so here's a poem in honor of them.

So you love our site,
We'll fix you.
You won't believe,
What we can do.

Screw up the good,
Replace it with bad.
Ruin your fun,
You'll be so sad.

We'll drive this site,
Into the ground.
Soon all the users,
Will no longer be found.

We can break everything,
You know it's true.
Don't you like,
Our accents of blue?

You'll love our improvement,
Of that we are sure.
We did things you - our valued users,
Truly asked for.

Oh wait,
That's not right.
But who gives a damn,
We don't need users to visit this site.